


A Break That Can Never Be Cured

by BeccaBear93



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccaBear93/pseuds/BeccaBear93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon manages to use magic again. Dark creatures and dragons are drawn to him again. Tragedy ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Break That Can Never Be Cured

**Author's Note:**

> I’m aware that a lot of this makes very little sense. I got sick of trying to make my ideas work. But here you go. More angst. Yay.
> 
> Also, yes, it is very reminiscent of Lucy’s life after she ran away with the Mage. I didn’t intend that when I started writing, but the more I wrote, the more and more intentional it became. I don’t know why. I just thought it was a nice parallel, I guess.

**Simon:**

We eventually found a way that Baz could push his magic into me the same way that I used to do to him. It doesn’t leave dead spots either, because I’m not actually taking magic from the earth.

I’m glad we found a way, because the magical creatures have started coming after us again, and the idea of sitting around doing nothing or hiding behind Baz and Penny is terrible.

On the other hand, maybe they’re all just being drawn _because_ I’m using magic again. Maybe if I could have just let things be, then we wouldn’t have this problem.

It was killing me, though. I can’t live without magic.

Penny and Baz casting spells around me (or even _on_ me) helped sometimes, but it wasn’t enough. I knew it was happening, but I couldn’t _sense_ it; I couldn’t _feel_ it. Just the smallest bit of Baz’s magic is enough for me to feel it in the air. Feeling it in my blood is even better, and I missed it more than I could possibly say in those months while it was gone.

I think they noticed the difference, too. Everyone was kind of gloomy during that time, and I think it’s my fault. My depression was like something physical, hanging in the air and leaving a cloud over everyone and everything.

It’s gone now. I’m happier, and the people I care about most are happier.

Even if we do occasionally get attacked in broad daylight.

**\-----**

**Penelope:**

We moved again, eventually.

Simon, Baz, and I moved out to a little cottage in the woods when the attacks started coming too often and being too obvious to keep making excuses for. Micah eventually joined us, which I am extremely grateful for. I think I would have lost my mind a long time ago if he wasn’t here.

I’m not entirely surprised when I step into the garden one day and spot Simon and Baz battling a gremlin. I rush to join them, and we take it down easily. That’s probably the smallest thing that has come after Simon this month; it’s no challenge.

(Yes, they’re coming after Simon and his magic. _Of course_ they are. Even when he’s borrowing Baz’s, he somehow amplifies it. I don’t think Simon even realizes it, but he’s nearly as powerful as he was before he drained all of his magic into the Humdrum. It’s like a beacon to every mage and dark creature in the world. We’ve even had a few people show up on our doorstep with no idea where they were, just because they were following the feeling of his magic from miles away.

Baz and I have done our best to hide it from Simon. We’re a strange little family of sorts now, and he would be ruined if he thought he was putting us in danger again. We can handle ourselves against all the monsters, whether that means sending them away or killing them. There’s no reason to send him back to that dark place or to take away his magic again.)

After we’ve taken down the gremlin, we all share a grin and I high-five Simon. The boys head back inside, and I gather up some vegetables from the garden like I was originally going to. I pick the basket back up and feed the chickens, collecting their eggs as I go. Our new life is strange and took a while to get used to after all our time spent in cities and at Watford, but I think we’ve all grown to love it.

I go back to the house and dump my basket on the counter. Baz instantly comes to examine the contents, thanking me. He cooks breakfast while Simon and I sit at the breakfast bar and chat quietly.

When the omelets and toast are done, I fill up a plate and take it to the bedroom. I wake Micah up with a kiss, and we eat and cuddle. I imagine that Baz and Simon are doing the same in the living room. When we finish, I leave my fiancée to get ready for the day while I wash the dishes.

I’m in the middle of cleaning a pan when I hear a loud crash outside. I drop it and grab a towel as I run for the door, drying my hands and then tossing it aside. The boys are close behind me, already bringing out their wands and sword.

I think we’re all a bit shocked by the sight of another dragon standing in the clearing near our house. It rears up and growls loudly. Simon growls back, and Baz laughs. I join in, though my laughter comes out sounding strange and inhuman when I force it past the lump in my throat.

We run to meet the creature as far from our house as possible. I know that none of us are willing to see it destroyed after all the effort that we’ve put into building this life.

It’s rare to have two attacks in a single day, and we haven’t seen a dragon since our time at Watford, so none of us are really mentally prepared. Years of practice have made it so we don’t have to be, though. They’ve also synchronized our movements, so that at the same time that I’m casting a spell to stun it, the others are already starting to move. Flames fly from Baz’s wand while Micah starts to cast the first verse of a lullaby. Simon rushes forward, fire licking up his sword and arm.

Simon hacks at the dragon’s leg, and it roars in pain. Too quickly, it manages to shake off my spell, stomping hard enough to shake the ground and send us all stumbling. Baz is the first to stand back up and find his balance.

Simon is slower, and closer. I see it coming in slow motion, and I know Baz sees it too. He’s running forward, trying to block the dragon’s claws as they swing down and shooting every spell he knows at it. I frantically try to stun it again from my spot on the ground.

We’re too late.

Three enormous talons pierce through Simon’s back.

I know that his scream will haunt my sleep for months to come.

The claws retreat and Baz collapses over Simon, shielding him. The three of us aim one more attack at the dragon. It growls again and flies away. I can only hope it doesn’t come back.

By the time that I make it over, crawling past the pain in my probably sprained ankle, Baz is pushing his magic into Simon and trying every healing spell he can think of.

“It won’t work if you exhaust yourself and use up your own magic,” I say quietly, pushing his hands away from Simon’s body. He looks to me, clearly afraid and upset, but doesn’t say anything when I take over.

Blood keeps seeping into Simon’s clothes, and he rasps for breath. After a minute where my spells don’t seem to be having any effect, Micah speaks up. “We should move him inside,” he says gently, and I nod. Micah carefully picks him up. Baz opens his mouth to object, but closes it when he tries to stand up and nearly collapses. I rub his arm and we walk back to the house, supporting each other’s weight.

My fiancée sets Simon down on the couch when we get inside, and I stare at the red soaking into the fabric. Suddenly, the numbness dissipates and the situation _truly_ hits me. I run to the bathroom to vomit.

When I return, Baz is kneeling by the sofa, carefully cleaning and bandaging Simon’s wounds, and Micah is still trying to do the job with magic.

“It’s too late,” Simon manages to wheeze, reaching for Baz’s hand. It’s ridiculous to think, but I’m glad he said it, so I don’t have to. I fall into a nearby chair, feeling hopeless and useless. I can feel tears streaming down my face, but I do nothing to wipe them away.

\-----

**Baz:**

I lean my forehead against Simon’s, grasping his hand like I can tether him here. He forces a tiny smile, a trickle of blood spilling from between his lips. “S’okay. Not… your fault,” he says. He’s looking at me, but I know that it’s aimed at all of us. I know that we’ll all feel the guilt from this for the rest of our lives.

“Don’t…cry,” he says. I hadn’t even realized I _was_ crying, but I don’t stop. “Love…you.”

“I love you, too, Simon.” A sob bubbles out of my throat, and I hear it echoed from Penelope. I kiss Simon softly and just hover over his mouth, until I stop feeling his breath against my lips. Then I fall back on my knees, my own breath leaving me like I’ve been punched. I stare at Simon’s body until it doesn’t feel real.

I don’t know how long it takes to come back to myself. When I do, I slowly lift my head to see Penelope sobbing into her fiancée’s chest. I stagger to my feet. Somehow, Micah seems to understand, because he gently unwraps her fingers from his shirt and steps away. She looks at him pleadingly, confused, until I fall onto the arm of the chair next to her. She turns her gaze to me, and I wrap my arms around her shoulders. Her tears redouble and she pulls me as close as possible. I bury my face in her hair and allow myself to cry. For a while, at least, we understand each other and lean on each other. We were the two people in the world who loved Simon most, after all.

Eventually, I slide to the floor and Micah retakes his place. I can feel the pain in my heart like the break is something literal.

In the end, Simon Snow really did die kissing me.

In the end, I would give anything to change that.


End file.
